A Nerdfighterly Confession

So last night, which was actually more like early early this morning, about 1 or 2 am. I was making a bideo response to Toddly00 and instead of ending the recording when i was done saying what was to be recorded for the video I continued talking to my camera about whatever came to mind. For the first time in a long time all the words I wanted to say easily flowed from my lips. I even discovered what ive been searching 2 years for. Ive been spending my time trying to find my hobbies, what I like in life, what I want.

I thought I wanted tons of friends. Be able to talk to everyone. I never really was close to anyone, but through trying to achieve this I actually became more distant to everyone. so that was basically a fail. not to mention the people who were to become m closest friends I really didnt like all that much. so double fail :(

Now, as I was thinking I tried to remember the happiest moment of my life. I got to thinking, finally seeing my favorite band of all time and rocking to their music was so utterly Epic... but no this wasnt the moment i thought and though, this doesnt seem like my happiest. I figured it out, The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book release party. How could I have not paid attention to my love for harry potter. Honestly I was trying so hard to search for self fullfilment I still dont own Harry Potter 5 on DVD. and that just aint like me.

I realize how much I never really wanted to be one of these people. you know, the ones who believe their life is about one thing. I feel I have finally found where I belong. and I owe this realization to youtube. none of my current friends have the interest i have, or if they have them, they arent interested in the same ways. which means it was of my own accord I found the nerdfighter community. it was until recently I was slightly ashamed to think I might be one of these nerdfighters.... but as every day carries on I learn more and more of the general group and realize THESE are the people I want to befriend(i hope that means what I think it does). THESE are the people I never got a chance to grow up with.

I opened my youtube account about a year ago and merely forgot i had it untill i got a random message in my email about the account. this was just last october, so i figured why not start using it and I did I believe the first person I subscribed to was charlieissocoollike which led me to fiveawesomeguys and you know how it spreads from there. but still not knowing the vlog brothers.

I kept hear 'nerdfighter' this 'nerdfighter' that from tons of the people I was subscribed to. and finally somehow stumbled upon the vlog brothers and learned that with the nerdfighters is where I belong. going back, haha, the best moments of my life have been in and with these things that most nerdfighters love.

I have now realized that Its not hate I have had my entire life, its been confusion longing for understanding. I was confused why no one was like me. I wanted to be understood. I wanted to understand. and now I do kinda. all because one man toddly00 requested that I talk to a camera for a bit.

I now know that what I want to do with my life is enlighten people to how I have been treated and what really needs to be done. Bullying is a major problem everywhere and part of the problem is adults not dealing with it the way they should. Before we scold the children when need teachers supervisors and parents to truly understand what is going on and how to actually deal with this. this is my confession to what I am going to do the rest of my life. I will probably get a degree in psychology, with a minor in some sort of music or entertainment studies, and start up a foundation to help influence the correct way to deal with this.

tomorrows VEDA is going to be devoted to Alan Moos. I will explain why in tomorrows blog, but for now I need to do some stuff on facebook (haha i'm a nerd!!! :) )

Later
Ashley Bowerman
DFTBA
http://www.youtube.com/lessthanlots